Life is full of ups and down they say, sometimes things will go as planned, other times things that were never envisaged crop their ugly heads and we have to deal with them. As life comes with its happy moments so does it hit us with some really miserable times, triggered by factors like, loss of job, loss of finances, loss of loved ones OR loss of health. Why your partner may leave you during illness. Should this even happen? Why would the one person we expect to be there for us leave us…?
Illness may simply develop in the life of just about anyone, no doubt, such an event can put a strain on us and those around us, friends and family, because our roles change, what we could do we no longer can, the roles of close ones in our lives changes, they may have to become our care givers and shoulder other responsibilities we would have normally been in charge of.
What happens to those who share close ties with us, those who are supposed to be our companions through thick and thin, who have made many promises that they are loyal and would stand by us, the loyalty of some partners really becomes questionable when real trials hit the stability of the relationship. Questions arise, behaviors change and sometimes one partner walks away never to return leaving the other to bear alone the burden of their illness, which they may or may not survive.
Without bias or sentiments, it has been statistically revealed that men constitute the larger number of those who are likely to abandon their sick partners and walk away, to be fair however there are just as many strong willed men of character who never walk.
Are there any justified reasons this forsaking happens? Can such cruel actions be explained away by some logic? What are the moral implications of this? What does it say about a person who walks away from their significant other in trying times?
A personal experience triggered this post, hence I aim to put this phenomenon in some perspective and be very open minded but of course with some of my own viewpoint, because trying times has helped me see the true nature of those who say they care but by actions proove otherwise:
- INBUILT NATURE’S RESPONSE: So maybe its normal, we all seek out healthy mates, even animals want to ensure the extension of their species and future generations, so they choose stronger healthier mates. Some herds also leave behind any member that puts their safety in jeopardy such as those already exposed to an animal that is dangerous to the herd, however some others also stay with their ill members till death and mourn them like elephants, and even penguins are said to have just a single mate for life. But we are not animals, so all the crudeness in lower animals should be better refined in us, our sense of feeling and emotions should be heightened. However I sight this reason first as to why some partners may abandon their sick, since this is given as a reason psychologically.
- A NEED TO DETACH FROM FAILURE: Some persons may see their ill partners as a drawback in their seemingly successful lives, they are excelling in every other thing in life and simply cannot be attached to anything that seems to be failing such as their partners health. It looks like failure to them so they would rather walk than stay, and let all previous vows and promises go to blazes.
- SELFISHNESS & SELF LOVE: The true nature of a person may suffice when they have to deal with a sick partner, its easier to seem friendly, loving and faultless when all the things are going just well, but when we face real constraints who we really are on the inside may suffice, some people will only be in any partnership only for as long as it favors them, because they are concerned with only their own opinions, feelings and well being, they cannot have themselves burdened by another person’s problem. They are selfish and will show their true selves at such times, they will walk away to find the next greener pasture.
- LACK OF STRONG FAITH: Having faith may mean different things to different people, but basically it is believing very strongly in something, either through simple hope or through believe in God, understanding that a situation may seem ugly today but can indeed turn around for the better tomorrow. Such faith makes the heart so light that it is able to better endure trials. The partner that deserts another often has little or no faith, because if they did they will understand that their partner, no matter how hopeless their situation or illness seems they could miraculously become rid of their condition, or receive some help where they least expect and their yesterday will become a past story. Things do turn around for good, even when all hope is lost.
- FEELING ASHAMED: Some partners are ashamed of the illness of their spouse so they would rather leave, sadly even some parents are just as ashamed of children they have who are suffering some disabilities or major illnesses.
- INABILITY TO HANDLE THE SITUATION: And there are those who sincerely just do not know how to respond to the situation, they are perplexed and cannot just handle seeing their loved ones that way, they do not have the emotional power to handle it all, neither do have a guide to better train them on how to face this, so in response they take flight.
- THE ILL PARTNER IS CONSISTENTLY UNPLEASANT: I think a sick partner can also contribute to driving away their loved ones, if a sick person is not dealing with a mental disorder for which their actions cannot be blamed, but still act obnoxiously and annoy everyone all because they are ill, they are then the architects of whatever actions their partners take in the end especially when this negative behavior becomes a norm in their daily lives. Nobody likes to be around an unpleasant person as it will also sap the life right out of their partners, making the whole burden terribly difficult to handle.
In the end people will leave our lives for different reasons, there are however many men and women who have defied all odds, defied all external influence and advice, to leave their sick partners and choose staying with them till the end which may be an end where they heal and get back to life, or an end were they pass away. Either ways, these are men and women, and parents as well who are unsung heroes, who are honest in their words and actions, who are kind in their doings who have true empathy, who have strong character, who know the true meaning of vows and promises and who understand the true workings of LIFE.
For those who walk away, they also leave us with relevant lessons in life. Although they might leave us doubting everything we ever held true for a while, the lessons will be most valuable in time.
Hoping you enjoyed reading this piece on why your partner may leave you during illness.
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Have a positive health attitude.